If You Keep Forgetting What You’re Learning…Read This First.

Are you beating yourself up because you keep forgetting what you just learned?

Do you find yourself apologizing to instructors, tutors, or even yourself for having to go over the same material again and again?

Do you wonder if you’re just “bad at learning” or “too old for this”?

If any of that sounds familiar, what I’m about to tell you might change everything.

I once worked with a student who wanted to gain confidence with her tech skills. On paper, everything looked ideal.

We had clear lessons. Step-by-step tutorials. Practice time. Patience. We repeated concepts slowly and often.

Yet every week, we would circle back to the same skills. She would look at me on Zoom, give a small smile, and say, “I am so sorry. I know we went over this. I just cannot remember.”

I would always reassure her, with a smile and a virtual hug. “I will repeat this forever until you get it. That’s what I’m here for.”

And I meant it.

But in the back of my mind, I was searching for solutions. Maybe I needed a different visual. Maybe make a song (almost like a jingle, so it sticks?). Maybe a simpler example. Maybe if I just explained it one more way, something would finally click.

I treated it like a teaching problem. A puzzle I needed to solve with better techniques.

Then, over several weeks, the real story started to come out.

She was training for a new job, one that required her to coordinate activities for children. She loved the idea of working with kids, planning fun events, making a difference. But the job came with an unexpected second layer: the technology.

Suddenly, she needed to create calendar invites, schedule and host online meetings, understand email attachments, know when to send a PDF versus a Word document. The tech wasn’t the main job, it was supposed to be the simple part. But for her, it felt overwhelming.

“I just want to talk and play with the children,” she told me one day. “Why is the tech a whole second job?”

Then her laptop gave her the blue screen of death. A trip to the repair shop. Waiting. Uncertainty about whether she’d be able to fix it before she started her new job.

Just as she got the computer back and could breathe again, she had a health scare. What she feared might be a stroke turned out to be a reaction to a new medication. The tests came back fine. She was okay physically.

But the fear stayed.

In that moment, everything clicked for me.

The problem was not Excel. It was not Google Meet. It was not her memory.

During our lessons, her mind had been somewhere else entirely.

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Learning Does Not Happen In a Vacuum

We often talk about learning as if it is simple math.

You show up.
You focus.
You practice.
You improve.

That model is neat, but it ignores something very basic. None of us arrive to a lesson with a blank mind.

Every person who sits down to learn brings a private story with them.

A bill they are not sure they can pay.

A test result they are waiting for.

A spouse who is ill.

A grandchild they are worried about.

A job that might not be there next month.

When your brain is busy scanning for danger, it does not have much room left for new buttons, new icons, and new passwords.

This is not laziness. It is not age. It is not a personal failure. It is simply how the human brain works.

What Stress Really Does To Your Brain

Cognitive psychology has said this for years. Chronic stress makes it harder to learn and remember.

When we are calm and safe, the thinking part of the brain can do its job. That is the area that helps you plan, organize, and connect new ideas.

When we are scared or overwhelmed, a different system takes over. The brain leans toward survival. It pays more attention to threats than to new information.

If you are worried about your health, your income, or your independence, your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do. It is trying to protect you.

In that state, learning a new software program simply does not feel important, no matter how much you “know” you need it.

The painful part is what happens next. People start to blame themselves.

“I am just bad with computers.”

“I guess I am too old for this.”

“Everyone else gets it. What is wrong with me?”

We apologize. We feel ashamed. We become quiet in class. We stop asking questions.

The issue is not intelligence. The issue is overload.

What This Means If You’re the One Struggling to Learn

If you’re reading this because you keep forgetting what you learn, here is what you need to know first:

It is not your fault.

You are not broken. You are not too old. You are not “bad with technology” or math or languages or whatever it is you are trying to learn.

Your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do.

If you are dealing with:

• Health concerns or recent medical scares
• Financial stress or job insecurity
• Family responsibilities or caregiving duties
• Grief, loss, or major life changes
• Chronic pain or medication side effects
• Loneliness or isolation
• Impostor syndrome in a new role
• Relationship difficulties
• Any other form of ongoing worry or overwhelm

Then your brain’s first priority is survival, not spreadsheets. It is protection, not programming.

That is not a character flaw. It is neurobiology.

The problem is not that you cannot learn. The problem is that you are trying to learn while carrying a very heavy mental load. And nobody ever told you that carrying that load makes learning exponentially harder.

Think about it this way: if someone asked you to memorize a list of words while you were standing on one leg, juggling, and solving a math problem in your head, you would struggle. Not because you are bad at memorizing. But because your brain is busy doing three other things.

That is what learning under stress feels like.

So before you try one more tutorial, one more practice session, or one more “fresh start,” I want you to try something different first.

I want you to acknowledge what you are carrying.

You Are Allowed To Tell the Truth

If you are the one learning, especially as an adult, you have more power than you think.

You are allowed to say:

“I had a hard week. I might need to go slower today.”

“My mind is on some health stuff. I am trying, but I am distracted.”

“Can we review that again? I am not confident yet.”

You do not have to apologize for being human. You are allowed to bring the reality of your life into the room.

Most teachers/ guides and instructors actually want to know what is going on. They have been wondering why the material is not sticking. When you finally tell them, it helps them understand how to actually support you.

You are not burdening them. You are giving them context they desperately need.

This is why my sessions are not typical tutoring/teaching sessions. We can talk. With my background in psychology, I have learned that sometimes the best thing I can do is simply listen. Let it all out. Let us figure out together what you need so that you can feel like your old self , confident, reassured, and capable.

Some days, we do not have to talk tech at all.

Because here is the truth about adult learning: it is rarely a straight line. There are times when you move fast and feel sharp. There are times when you are tired, grieving, or scared, and everything feels sticky.

None of that erases your progress. It just means you are learning while living a real life.

For Self-Directed Learners: Check Your Capacity First

If you are teaching yourself, you can still create a kinder learning environment.

Before you open the course or the video, ask:

What is my emotional state right now?

Do I have the mental space for something new, or is today better for review?

Is there one small thing I can do to reduce stress before I begin? (A short walk, a snack, paying one bill, taking a medication, writing down the worry.)

Some days are “new material” days.
Some days are “repeat something simple” days.

Both types of days count.

You do not owe anyone a perfect learning performance. You are allowed to adjust your goals to match your actual capacity today.

3 Things to Try Before Your Next Study Session

If you are about to sit down to learn something and you want to give yourself the best possible chance of retaining it, try this:

1. The Five-Minute Brain Dump

Before you open your laptop, course or textbook, take five minutes to write down everything that is on your mind.

Not elegant. Not organized. Just stream-of-consciousness dumping:

“Worried about the electric bill. Need to call Mom. Headache today. Annoyed about that email. Scared about the doctor’s appointment next week.”

The act of naming these thoughts reduces their cognitive load. Once they are on paper, your brain can stop working so hard to remember them.

2. The Capacity Check

Ask yourself honestly:

“On a scale of 1–10, how much mental energy do I actually have right now?”

If you are below a 5, today might not be the day for brand new material.

Instead, review something you already sort of know. Watch a video you have seen before. Practice one simple thing.

Give yourself permission to match your learning goal to your actual capacity today.

3. The Permission Statement

Before you begin, say out loud:

“I am allowed to be exactly where I am today. If I need to go slower, that is okay. If I need to repeat something, that is okay. My worth is not determined by how fast I learn.”

This might sound silly, but shame and self-judgment actively block learning. Compassion opens the door.

The Things Students Rarely Say Out Loud

In my sessions, students almost never begin by saying, “I am scared” or “I am exhausted” or “I am distracted by a family crisis.”

They usually say, “I am sorry I keep forgetting” or “My brain is not working today.”

But underneath those words, there is often something heavier.

• Worry about losing independence as you age.
• Stress about how long your savings will last.
• Fear lingering after a health scare.
• Pressure to make every session “count” because money is tight.
• Fatigue from caregiving or chronic pain.
• The quiet belief that everyone else learns faster.

None of that is an excuse. It is context.

And context changes what is realistic for a person to absorb on any given day.

What To Do If You Realize You’re Overloaded

If you have read this far and realized, “Oh. That is me. I am trying to learn while dealing with something heavy,” here is what to do next:

1. Tell someone

If you have an instructor, tutor, or teacher, tell them what is going on.

You do not have to share every detail. You can say:

“I am dealing with some health/family/financial stress right now. It is affecting my focus. Can we adjust the pace for the next few sessions or reschedule?”

Most teachers will be relieved to finally understand what is happening.

2. Adjust your expectations temporarily

You are not giving up. You are being strategic.

If you were recovering from surgery, you would not expect to run a marathon. The same logic applies here.

Reduce your learning goals for this season. Focus on maintaining what you already know rather than adding new material.

When your capacity returns, you can push forward again. But right now, maintenance is enough.

3. Address the stressor if you can

Sometimes you can. Sometimes you cannot.

If there is one concrete thing you can do to reduce your stress (make a phone call, pay one bill, talk to a friend, schedule a doctor’s appointment), do that first.

If you cannot fix the stressor (chronic illness, grief, caregiving), at least name it. Stop pretending it does not exist. That act alone frees up mental space.

4. Be patient with yourself

This is temporary.

Your capacity will return. Your ability to focus will come back.

But right now, in this moment, the kindest thing you can do is meet yourself where you actually are.

Not where you think you should be. Not where you were six months ago. Not where everyone else seems to be.

Right here. Right now. Exactly as you are.

Teaching the Whole Person, Not Just the Skill

Over time, I realized my main job was not “tech trainer.”

My main job was to be fully present with a human being who was trying to learn while carrying a lot.

So I started to shift how I opened each session.

Instead of jumping straight into Excel or email, I began with a simple question:

“How are you doing today, really?”

Then I wait. I let the silence sit for a moment. Often, that is when the real story comes out.

When students feel safe enough to answer honestly, several things change:

Naming the stress lowers the pressure.
Once you say, “I had a rough week” or “I am still scared about that hospital visit,” your brain stops working so hard to hide it. That alone frees up mental energy.

We can adjust the plan.
If a student is worn out, this might not be the week for three new topics. It might be the week for one small concept, practiced slowly, with lots of reassurance.

The relationship becomes a partnership.
We move from “I teach, you receive” to “We are solving this together.” That simple shift makes people more engaged and more willing to try again.

Real barriers come into focus.
Sometimes the problem is a medication side effect, lack of sleep, or a vision issue. If we never talk about the person, we never discover that.

If You Teach: Small Shifts That Make a Big Difference

If you are an instructor, tutor, coach, or trainer, you do not have to become a therapist. You can, however, build your lessons around the whole person.

Some ideas that help:

Open with a real check-in.
Ask, “How are you arriving today?” instead of “Are you ready to start?” Listen to the answer.

Make it safe to admit low capacity.
Say things like, “It is okay if your brain feels foggy today. We will adjust.”

Match the pace to the person, not the syllabus.
If they have had a tough week, focus on review, not brand new material.

Celebrate tiny wins.
“You shared your screen on the first try today. Last week that took three steps. That is progress.”

Normalize repetition.
Remind them that repeating a concept is not failure. It is part of learning, especially when life is heavy.

These are small changes, but over months, they create a very different kind of classroom. One that people want to return to.

The Turnaround With My Student

Back to the student who thought she might have had a stroke.

So after a long chat, and her relaxing for a bit, the decision was made for her not to pursue that job.

Once we named what had happened and how scared she still felt, we stopped pretending it was “just a tech issue.”

And once she let that job go, released it back to the world, she came back to the classes with happiness and clarity.

And unlike the other sessions, she logged in without panic, shared her screen without asking how to do it again. It was like watching the sun rise, and feeling the warmth and happiness as the rays hit your beautiful skin.

Finding one folder on her computer and opening it calmly. Learning about AI, and trying it out herself.

We celebrated every small success.

We noticed when something took fewer steps than before. We laughed when things went wrong, instead of treating it like proof she could not learn.

Over time, her memory did not magically transform. What changed was her level of stress and shame. She grew confident. She wanted to try it out first. She wasnt scared to click anymore.

She no longer had to hide her fear. She no longer had to carry the story that she was “bad with computers.” Her brain finally had room for both the worry and the worksheet.

And slowly, steadily, the skills began to stick. I heard less apologizing, and I heard more, “WOW”, “This is so cool”, “I didn’t know AI could do that!!”

You Cannot Separate the Learner From Their Life

The best learning environment is not always the fanciest platform or the most detailed curriculum.

It is the one that makes room for the whole person.

Because you cannot peel the “student” away from the parent, the caregiver, the patient, the worker, or the grandparent they also are.

So if you are struggling to learn right now, try shifting your first question.

Instead of asking only, “What is wrong with me?” also ask, “What am I dealing with right now that might be draining my capacity to learn?”

And if you are teaching someone who is struggling to retain information, try broadening your question.

Instead of asking only, “How can I explain this better?” also ask, “What might this person be carrying right now?”

There is no shame in saying that life is heavy sometimes. There is no weakness in admitting that stress affects your performance.

There is only the quiet strength of showing up as you are, and the kindness of creating spaces where that is enough.

The Real Gift

The most powerful gift you can give any learner is not more information.

It is permission to be fully human while they are learning it.

Permission to have a bad day.

Permission to forget and relearn.

Permission to say, “I am struggling because life is hard right now.”

Permission to be exactly where they are, without apology.

Because when we stop pretending we are machines that should absorb information perfectly regardless of circumstance, something shifts.

We stop fighting ourselves.

We stop wasting energy on shame.

And we finally create the internal environment where real learning can actually happen.

If you have been blaming yourself for forgetting what you learn, I hope this gives you a different lens. You are not broken. You are not failing. You are learning while living a full, complex, human life. And that is not a bug. That is the whole point.

I’m Liz Ndungu. I help adults build confidence with technology through simple lessons, friendly and patient coaching.

If you are working towards tech independence, dignity, and connection, Visit: ndunguconsulting.com to learn more then click on ndunguconsulting.as.me to book a session.